I walk through the border gate and a slimy little man stands in my way waving a carton of cigarettes. I tell him I don't want them but he follows me down the steps and into the market. 'You want Lady?' he asks. 'No', I tell him and deviate into a sunglass shop where I get a new pair of 'Ray Bans' - Yeah Right! - and get my old ones repaired for free. I emerge from the shop and the man is there again; 'You want smoke? You want lady?' 'No' I say and escape into a CD shop, where I buy a Chilly Peppers DVD which, despite looking authentic, later turns out to be a nicely screen printed blank disk. I emerge and am accosted yet again; 'You want lady? Very close to here and very small!' By now I am truly irritated and tell him so.

A crowd begins to form and I double back, around a few corners, and into another DVD shop. When I leave the store the guy is there again so I abandon my shopping and high-tail it back across the border, collect the bike from where I parked it (at the police station for safety) and I'm off. An hour or so later I'm soaking in a nice cool shower and resting up at the Hotel.

After a nap I adjourn to the restaurant in search of my evening meal, where-upon it transpires that everything I order from their menu is unavailable and I just have to settle for what they give me. After a couple of beers, so cold that they're slushy, I'm off to bed, where I read some Hemingway and enjoy the novelty of air-conditioning in the room and the sound of the lizards calling and catching mosquitoes in the echoing bathroom.

I oversleep and am awakened at midday by the phone. 'Are you checking out sir?' Bugger! I'll have to ride in the heat of the afternoon, but the sleep was great! The trip back is uneventful although I do a double take when I pass a restaurant named 'Cabbages and Condoms' Hmmm, a kind of chewy coleslaw? 'Would you like spermicidal dressing with that Sir?'

South of Chiang Rai, near the village of Mae Saruai, is the Chiang Rai Winery. When I first hear of it I'm sceptical as the climate is completely wrong here for growing grapes, but it transpires that their wines are made from various fruits and some, upon tasting, prove to be quite pleasant (although they subsequently prove to have a very short shelf life). I end up buying a sweet white lychee wine and a rich red fruit wine, both of which are delicious. Here also there are fish to feed although these do not reach the same size as those at the Chiang Dao caves which are true monsters.

Continuing south from Mae Saruai brings one to an intersection where an alternative route can be chosen, taking a course over the mountains to Phrao. By this method it is possible to extend the trip to include a night in the stunningly beautiful and tranquil environs of Doi Farang Bungalow Resort - although a good vehicle is required in order to accomplish the steep climbs of the mountain road.